someday this pain will be useful to you
by McMuffin
Summary: What if Edward was too late to save Bella from James? Please read and review, Rated T. Complete.
1. un

**Heya, this is my first (and probably last) Twilight fic... be nice! I've never read Twilight fanfiction before so I guess I'm a newbie LOL. I co-wrote this with** **MrsCullenSeventeen4eva who has this posted as Black Water. This is our version of Twilight after chapter 23, The Angel. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Yes I'm Stephenie Meyer. Yes I own Twilight. Yes I write fanfiction for my own story. rolls eyes NOT.  
**

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You/Black Water - McMuffin & MrsCullenSeventeen4eva

As I drifted, I dreamed. Where I floated, under the dark water, I heard the happiest sound my mind could conjure up- as beautiful, as uplifting, as it was ghastly. It was another snarl, a deeper, wilder roar that rang with fury.

I was brought back, almost to the surface, by a sharp pain slashing my upraised hand, but I couldn't find my way back far enough to open my eyes. And then I knew I was dead. Because, through the heavy water, I heard the sound of an angel calling my name, calling me to the only heaven I wanted.

"Oh no, Bella, no!" the angel's voice cried in horror. Behind that longed-for sound was another noise- an awful tumult that my mind shied away from. A vicious bass growling, a shocking snapping sound, and a high keening, suddenly breaking off… I tried to concentrate on the angel's voice instead.

"Bella, please! Bella listen to me, please, please, Bella please!" he begged.

Yes, I wanted to say. Anything. But I couldn't find my lips.

"Carlisle!" The angel called, agony in his perfect voice. "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!" And the angel was sobbing tearless, broken sobs. The angel shouldn't weep, it was wrong. I tried to find him, to tell him everything was fine, but the water was so deep, it was pressing on me and I couldn't breathe. There was a point of pressure against my head. It hurt. Then, as that pain broke through I cried out, gasping, breaking through the dark pool.

"Bella!" the angel cried.

"She's lost some blood, but the head wound isn't deep." A calm voice informed me. "Watch out for her leg, it's broken."

A howl of rage strangled the angel's lips. I felt a sharp stab in my side. This couldn't be heaven, could it? There was too much pain for that.

"Some ribs too, I think." The methodical voice continued. But the sharp pains were fading. There was a new pain, a scalding pain in my hand that was overshadowing everything else. Someone was burning me.

"Edward?" I tried to tell him, but the pain was so extreme that I found myself sinking. Sinking down deeper into the black water.

.xXx.

This is all my fault. Why am I so selfish? I've had centuries to detach from the humans, yet I cannot detach from her. I should've known better. Every minute I'm with her she's in danger, this just proves it. Look at her lying there. Broken. How could I do this to her? I knew this would happen someday, and my hideous self would hurt her. I just didn't think it would happen so soon. A muffled sob escaped my lips, sounding like I was choking.

It felt like I was choking, drowning even. Drowning in the black sea. Black for dark. Black for night. Black for pain. Black for everything around me. Black for all the pain around me. Pain I caused to Bella. Pain I caused to myself, how could I let this happen? Another sob escaped my parted lips, yet no salt fell. Another reason for me to stay away, I'm nothing like her; I'm a danger to her.

Carlisle was nearly finished stitching up her head. I wonder what my darling Bella is thinking? Probably what an unsensitive, dangerous fool I am. She'd be right. That is exactly what I am. Exactly. But I knew that she wouldn't ever think that of me, no matter what I did. She was too kind. I don't deserve her. She thinks she deserves me but I think she deserves so much more. She deserves one of her own kind.

"Edward." Carlisle's calm voice broke my thoughts, "We have to move her… I can't fix her here. We need the hospital. Alice will be finished with the evidence soon…"

I nodded numbly, whatever they had to do to save her.

.xXx.

The fire. Burning, heat. Pain. I lay perfectly still, not twitching even a finger. Not a fluttering eyelash. Not a single groan escaped my burning lips. But I had to remain this way. I had to. Because I knew that if I moved even the slightest inch, I wouldn't be able to control the pain. I wouldn't be able to stop a scream from building in my charred throat. I would thrash my limbs in vain, and all this would cause was the pain of Edward.

When I was in pain, he was too. Which was why I had to keep the pain, the searing pain, locked inside of me, and not give the slightest indication of the torture I was enduring. The pain had started in my hand, and then slowly it seeped up my arm to take over my whole body. It was unlike any injury I'd ever had before, my body didn't go into shock, it never numbed. It felt like I was in an oven, slowly roasting from the inside out. I tried not to think about myself being food. It almost made me laugh. Almost.

.xXx.

Three days Bella had been lying there. Three days and not one little movement. The only communication we'd had was when she mumbled my hateful name in the ballet studio. Once. What have I done? What if Bella doesn't wake up? Her heart had been beating faster and faster for the past few hours like it was under stress or something. Why won't she wake up? Why? She looked very pale, sickly. To be expected of course. How could I do this to her? What have I done?

I sighed deeply as I listened to her rapid heartbeat, it was soothing in a way, the hurried drumming almost made me want to tap my feet like it was a 50s tune. Damnit! Why do my thoughts always turn inappropriate? Though if Bella was a tune, she's definitely be one of the sweet melodies from the 50s, so unpredictable yet soft. I cast my eyes over her pale skin; it looked like porcelain, so still and peaceful, her chest barely rising as she breathed, though her brow was creased from pain. At least I knew the IV was helping to numb it.

I delicately place two fingers on her forehead, the only place that seemed untouched. As soon as I felt the ice, the drumming became so rapid the monitors were beeping like crazy… it hurt my sensitive ears. Then the noise stopped so abruptly I thought I was deaf. Then beneath my hand, her eyelids snapped open revealing blood red pupils.

.xXx.

**What do you think? Should we continue?  
**


	2. deux

**So we continued... save the pineapple throwing! :D  
This is for all my rockerss. You know who you are. :)  
**

The pain was gone and I could hear everything, see everything, and smell everything. There was the floral perfume a patient three floors above me was wearing, the billions of tiny grains in the tiled ceiling, the sound of a businessman giving a taxi driver directions on the street.

Then I saw Edward. He was so different- my weak human eyes could not obtain the full extent of his beauty. He looked confused, scared even. And then it hit me. My throat was burning with thirst. Suddenly all I could think of was blood. I heard a Nurse walking down the corridor. She opened the door. I registered her startled expression when she realised I was awake, and then again when she realised my heart wasn't beating. She pressed a button to see if the monitor was working whilst her other hand pressed against my neck. She gasped as she found I had no pulse. It seemed to shock her, but then again, why wouldn't it? She was human. Edward was closing the door.

"Carlisle!" He said softly, but to our ears it was loud enough. I tried to thrash out when the nurse leant over me but in a split second Edward was restraining me. The nurse's eyes went white, I saw as she watched me; she turned to run out when Carlisle entered the room. I smirked- she wouldn't be going anywhere.

"What is going o- Bella?" Carlisle looked very confused, and then as he realised what had happened, understanding. This all happened over the course of about one second. Carlisle then grabbed the nurse as she fainted into his arms. I couldn't help but giggle.

"So, Bella's a vampire now?" Edward seemed to have trouble accepting what I was. Carlisle replied,

"It seems so…"

"How did this happen though?" Edward seemed to be directing his question at me.

"James bit me." Edward's face was horror-stricken. "It was so painful I lost consciousness."

"How did I miss this?" Poor Edward how could he not see that us being together forever is a good thing?

"He bit me on my arm… I don't think you looked there." I explained to him.

"No! I… we… Alice saw… we looked all over you for a wound, we would've seen it!" Jasper said as he barged into the room. Edward whipped around to face him.

"Why didn't you tell me of Alice's vision?" He hissed, his rage hard to miss.

"We thought it would anger you." Carlisle said calmly.

"Anger me? Bella's a VAMPIRE! Of course it angers me!" He shouted.

I couldn't understand his rationalising. My being a vampire was a good thing! I licked my lips, remembering my thirst.

"Sorry to interrupt your conversation, but if I don't do something about my thirst soon, I may have to take you all out." I hoped they would understand the seriousness of this situation. My throat was scorching like someone was pouring white-hot lava down it. I was actually beginning to consider fulfilling my previous statement.

"Bella!" Edward gasped in shock, boy it was going to take a while for him to get used to this. I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously! I'm so dehydrated." Carlisle looked at me.

"Well first we have to discuss a few things. What do we tell your parents?" I paused, I hadn't thought about them.

"I'll pretend to be dead…"

"Bella…" Carlisle started.

"No! I'll do it." I said firmly.

"Bella, how will we continue to live in Forks if you're 'dead'?" Carlisle asked me.

"Edward and I can run off. Then a few months later the rest of you can join us."

"You've thought this through…" Edward said suspiciously.

"Well, I've had a while to think." I told him. He looked at me curiously.

"Wait, you didn't purposely not tell us so that you could turn into a vampire, did you?" I would've flushed with anger, but realised that was something I'd never do again.

"Of course not! I blacked out from the pain, and, by the time I realised what the fire was it was already scorching my entire body. I knew it was too late." Then my expression softened, "You're not mad at me are you?"

Edward smiled his gorgeous crooked smile.

"As if I could ever be mad at you." He swept me up in his arms effortlessly as always and pulled me into a loving embrace. I returned the hug.

"Um… Bella, you're sort of hurting…" Surprised I pulled away.

"Oh, sorry." I would have to get used to being as strong as him now.

"You must be very thirsty." Carlisle said. His statement of the obvious only made the fire in my throat burn brighter.

"Y-yeah I am." I nodded.

"There was a pack of bears near our house back in Forks… You'll be able to feed on them in not too long, as soon as you're 'dead' and we can leave." Carlisle informed me.

"Just a little notch in your plan. Humans are taken to the MORGUE when they die." Jasper interrupted.

"Once step ahead of you there. I'll the other doctors so Bella and Edward can sneak out, then I'll say her family took the body for a private burial." Carlisle said.

"Smartass." Jasper muttered under his breath.

"Great plan! Now can I 'die'?" I asked sarcastically.

Carlisle shot daggers at the two of us. Edward smiled, amused by me, and pulled me up into a passionate loving kiss. A sly idea popped into my head, as I had no human scent anymore I could finally stick my tongue into Edward's mouth. He pulled away, I looked at him confused, and he flashed my favourite crooked smile.

"Old habits die hard." And I laughed before touching his lip with my own once again.

.xXx.

**You likey?**


	3. trois

**Here's chapter 3. The last one. Enjoy it! :D Probably the last it of Twilight writing you'll ever get from me, but as for MrsCullenSeventeen4eva you may just get more from her, so I'd alert to her! :)**

It was a day later. Bella and I were in Alaska where we all planned to start over.

"Are you excited?" I asked her as I parked the Volvo. I'd packed some of my belongings to that Carlisle would have more evidence as he reported me as a missing person.

"You bet I am." Bella grinned at me. I leaned over and kissed her lips. It still surprised me when I found her skin to be the same temperature as mine. I couldn't help but miss the warm, soft skin of her human self. Pulling away I smiled, we had forever together, and suddenly and selfishly I realised I was quite happy that Bella was now a vampire.

Of course if the circumstances had been different… But that was all over now. All that mattered was that Bella and I were together. As I was getting out of the car, I saw Tanya, a Denali clan vampire, walking towards us. She smiled to greet me.

"Edward hello." She said.

"Hey Tanya." I smiled at her.

"How was the trip? Slow?" She smirked. I had to laugh.

"Very, but it was the only way."

"Yes well… The others are inside, do you want to get Bella and join us?"

"Yes we-" I'd turned around to find Bella was missing from the car, "Damnit!"

.xXx.

I don't know what came over me, I caught the scent of some insignificant human and suddenly my senses seemed to take over me. I was running. Fast. Faster than I'd ever been before. It was exhilarating, but I was focusing on my prey. I could smell his aftershave, the undigested sandwich in his stomach, the gel in his hair. I ran towards the scent, not slowing down in the slightest. I began to reach for the branches of a pine tree, swinging onto it and moving from tree to tree so that I would be above my prey. I ran closer and closer.

My throat was on fire, burning and burning. I could see him now. A stray hiker, he was too far away for human eyes to see, but my vampire ones seemed to work a lot better. In half a second I was merely a few steps behind him. I forgot how quickly I could now move. It was quite funny actually, how oblivious humans are, I was now within an arm's reach and he hadn't noticed. My eyes glistened as I thought of what I was about to do. I was so excited. In my happy state I actually giggled, causing my prey to turn around shocked. I gave him a toothy grin before closing my hands around his neck…

.xXx.

I was tracking her scent, and every time it seemed to get strong I found yet another body. Damnit Bella! Why don't you fight it?

.xXx.

I couldn't stop. Is it possible to over 'eat'? Because I was definitely feeling the ten bodies worth of blood sloshing about inside of me. This was ridiculous. I can't control myself. I sat down on a lonely rock to try and calm myself. Bring back my civilised self. Where had that gone? I'd murdered ten people. Ten. That's ten families who've lost someone. What have I done? I couldn't control it. My senses just took over me. I doubt I would have been able to stop myself if I wanted to.

It just tasted so good… Enough! I just need to calm down. Then I'll go back to Edward and tell him everyth- it was then that the scent hit me like a speeding train. My head cocked up, eyes focused, limbs ready to spring. I forgot about the family of this innocent eleventh victim. Forgot, just like that. All I could think of was the venom in my mouth, the flame in my throat, and the strong, sweet scent of a girl, wandering alone in the woods. Her smell was delicious. Floral almost…

Like I was to Edward.

.xXx.

Ten bodies. How much more was she going to drink? I followed her scent to a rock. It seemed that she'd sat there for a few minutes. Then her trail led away. I followed it, running as if her life depended on it. I ran past hundreds of trees. I could smell the human Bella was stalking. Darting through the trees, I came to a small clearing. It was still about 300ft away. I could tell that Bella was there with the human. Running faster, I reached the clearing in approximately one second. My eyes focused on Bella, leaning over a pale, lifeless body, crying dry sobs.

I stood there a moment, wondering what to do, then from my body's instincts my arms were around her and I was cradling her shaking body.

"Bella…" I whispered in her ear.

"What have I done?!" She shook as she wailed, "Why? My…" _shake_ "body" _shake _"took" _shake _"over!"

She buried herself in my chest.

"I thought I was stronger… I thought… I could resist." Her voice came out muffled.

"Bella-" I tried to soothe her but she interrupted me.

"My body just took over… my senses… my thirst… it made me KILL. Made me MURDER eleven innocent people!" She shrieked.

I didn't know what to do. What could I do? We couldn't stay here. I knew that. So, I did what I would've done when Bella was human. Gently I lifted her up as effortlessly as she could now lift me up. And then I ran. Running was what I did best. It helped me clear my head, soothe. But today, it was different, my running was panicked and confused instead of calm and collected. Bella was still sobbing into my chest.

When I reached my car, Bella looked like, well, dead. Lifeless. She was just staring straight ahead, unblinking. Of course, as a vampire this was easy, but it wasn't just the lack of movement. Her face was blank- no emotion or feeling could be found in her beautiful, flawless face. And I was scared. More so than I ever had been in my 'life'. I've never felt so hopeless before. I tried to talk to her.

"Bella. Bella, love, we're home." I whispered.

Nothing. She didn't move an inch. Now I was _really _worried. I needed Carlisle. He would know what to do. He always did. But Carlisle was in Forks. Damnit! I'll have to do this myself.

"Bella." I laid her down on the couch. None of the other vampires were home so at least that would help. "Say something… Please." I pleaded with her, she didn't speak, but she looked up at me, the suffering clear in her eyes, it hurt me to see her like this, more even than when she was in hospital. A pain I never thought possible to top.

"Freesia."

Her muttering of the syllable put me off. I looked at her oddly.

"Pardon?" I whispered.

"Freesia." She said hoarsely, "She smelt like a freesia."

I stared at her in disbelief.

"She was…" She laughed bitterly, "My brand of heroin."

I pulled her closer, now she was emptying her grief onto my shoulder. "I wasn't as strong as you Edward." Her eyes were full of remorse, "I couldn't, I, I couldn't."

"Hush." I knew what she was trying to say, I just couldn't stand to see the torture scratched into her scarlet eyes. Right now, staring deep into her remorse-filled eyes, I knew what Carlisle would say… Someday this pain will be useful to you. So I kissed her passionately.

And then I fervently hoped that that was enough.

**THE END!**


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